Saturday, July 10, 2010

WHEN SUFFERING VISITS IN LIFE

Gardening hoses for sale - “I think this is what hooks one to gardening: it is the closest one can come to being present at creation.”

I recall sitting with a woman a few years ago whose only son had unexpectedly died. I had sat in the same place a couple of years before when her husband had passed away. Of course, the loss of her son was opening the wound, not yet fully healed, caused by her husband's death.

With tear-filled eyes and pursed lips she lamented, "Oh, how terrible life can be! Isn't this world a terrible place?"

What could I say? On the one hand, I be­lieve that the world can be a wonderful and en­chant­ing place. There are times of fun and joy and happiness. I even believe life can be an exciting ad­venture!

On the other hand, for her right then, the world was indeed a terrible place. All of her family was gone. She faced the prospect of countless days filled with heartache and endless nights of loneli­ness. Such grief cannot be dismissed with a quick, "Oh, it will be all right. You'll be fine." Or, "Don't worry, he's in a better place." Regardless of whether these statements are true, to minimize her feelings of loss at that moment would have done her a great disservice. More than anything, she needed some­one to understand her pain and confusion.

"It's a difficult world to live in," I finally said, taking her hand. "I'm sorry."

She eventually did get through both losses. It was difficult and took time, but with help from her friends and hope from her faith she was able put her life back together. She was able to laugh and sing again.

When the world seems like a terrible place, I think it is good to remember a few things:

* Please don't blame yourself for something that may not be your fault. The death of a family member is a good example. There are some things which are beyond your control.

* Remember that you will get through it, even if it doesn't seem so at the time. One widowed woman remarked to me six months after her spouse's death, "I used to have more bad days than good days. Now I have more good days!" She was moving through her loss.

* Remember that you are not isolated. Please reach out to others when you hurt. And draw upon your spiritual resources. You are not alone.

This world can be fun and challenging, filled with laughter and happiness! But when suffer­ing visits, remembering these things can help ease the hurt.

From Lifesupport.

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